Day 2: Still be my vision
15 February - Day 2: Luke 9: 22-25
So today, I didn't struggle to wake up or anything, but I did feel quite distracted in the morning and all over the place and numb! I felt like a fraud and forced to be "good"
Floated downstairs like a ghost, and then a bit later, I started my session which my my morning music (shared by a close friend - Gospel music is not something I usually gravitate towards). As usual, the music helped me gather myself to listen, but I had to struggle to remind myself why I was doing this.
I was groggy, displeased with my weak morning coffee, and was very aware of hunger-induced tummy rumblings. (The last of which, I always give huge importance to!)
Feeling more like a CWWC than ever, I picked up the Bible and forced myself to read the words from Luke 9: 22-25, and this line jumped out:
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me".
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Thoughts: Again, I've heard this said several times before, but I've never really understood how it applied to ME as it always seemed as way too hard to actually do. Something applicable only to saint-like or "divine" people. After all, how many people can sacrifice their whole lives for Gods- priests and nuns maybe? But certainly not somebody as worldly as me!
It felt to me like almost a command, and I think it spoke to me about 'denying myself'. By this, I didn't take it as... torture myself by ignoring all my physical needs (as I am one for indulgence, if I am hungry I want food, or if I am sleepy, I sleep) as I had previously thought. But more... to place this exercise in front of my physical needs and distractions just for a little bit. If I am willing to walk the good path or be a 'Christian', than those things have to take a backseat at this moment in time.
Take up their cross daily - This spoke to me about going the whole way through no matter my external circumstances. A stress on being consistent and regular (which I often struggle with in my daily life!). Despite how I 'feel' at the moment, I should place this daily exercise above my changing needs/moods and keep at it like a commitment.
Takeaway: If I want to be a Christian, I cannot pick and choose what appeals to me at that point in time. Things may not be clear or may not make any sense, but this does not matter as long as I continue doing it, searching for meaning and asking God everyday? And have the patience for something special to be revealed to me.
So today, I didn't struggle to wake up or anything, but I did feel quite distracted in the morning and all over the place and numb! I felt like a fraud and forced to be "good"
Floated downstairs like a ghost, and then a bit later, I started my session which my my morning music (shared by a close friend - Gospel music is not something I usually gravitate towards). As usual, the music helped me gather myself to listen, but I had to struggle to remind myself why I was doing this.
I was groggy, displeased with my weak morning coffee, and was very aware of hunger-induced tummy rumblings. (The last of which, I always give huge importance to!)
Feeling more like a CWWC than ever, I picked up the Bible and forced myself to read the words from Luke 9: 22-25, and this line jumped out:
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me".
---------------
Thoughts: Again, I've heard this said several times before, but I've never really understood how it applied to ME as it always seemed as way too hard to actually do. Something applicable only to saint-like or "divine" people. After all, how many people can sacrifice their whole lives for Gods- priests and nuns maybe? But certainly not somebody as worldly as me!
It felt to me like almost a command, and I think it spoke to me about 'denying myself'. By this, I didn't take it as... torture myself by ignoring all my physical needs (as I am one for indulgence, if I am hungry I want food, or if I am sleepy, I sleep) as I had previously thought. But more... to place this exercise in front of my physical needs and distractions just for a little bit. If I am willing to walk the good path or be a 'Christian', than those things have to take a backseat at this moment in time.
Take up their cross daily - This spoke to me about going the whole way through no matter my external circumstances. A stress on being consistent and regular (which I often struggle with in my daily life!). Despite how I 'feel' at the moment, I should place this daily exercise above my changing needs/moods and keep at it like a commitment.
Takeaway: If I want to be a Christian, I cannot pick and choose what appeals to me at that point in time. Things may not be clear or may not make any sense, but this does not matter as long as I continue doing it, searching for meaning and asking God everyday? And have the patience for something special to be revealed to me.
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