40 days of Reading the Bible by a Clueless, Wandering, Wannabe Christian

28 February, Day 15: Mathew 20:17-28 It's time for petty admissions. I worry a little about being perceived as 'religious'. (Not that I am anywhere close to actually being religious.) Which is fair considering I've already had a few jokey/I don't get it reactions about this blog, from people  close to me, which I've had to forcefully grin and shrug off, while pretending that it didn't affect me. After all, I've been there myself. Haven't we all come across that person who send endless religious forwards on your family's Whatsapp group, when we least want or expect it? There are others who post quotes from religious Scriptures or post deep or pseudo-spiritual messages on their Facebook status - which is as an unwelcome interruption when you're immersed in that cat video or a genuinely hilarious Buzzfeed video. People don't want to be bombarded with 'Godly' things when they are out and about doing 'worldy' stuff...

27 February, Day 14: Mathew 23: 1-12 A clockwork type monotony has set-in - a comforting sort of consistency. As one day spills into the other, and then merges to become the next one, the morning hour is slow and still, followed by the rest of the day which turns out to be a passing blur. Yet each morning hour feels a little different, as I come to silently grapple with new truths and aspects of Christianity that I hadn't considered or taken seriously or delved into too deeply before. Until now, I've always heard things through one ear, and out it goes through the other. Don't we tend to do the same with well-meaning relatives or friends who come with us with unsolicited 'advice' of any sort? This displays a lack of humility, a stubborn belief that 'I know best'. We are indifferent, we can't be bothered to listen, we briefly 'hear' the words or at the most, we make honest attempts to listen, but still go back to being the same. "I k...

26 February, Day 13: Luke 6: 30-38 Day 13 into this and I am feeling the fatigue of the impact of reading 13 powerful thoughts consecutively. Why fatigue?  Because the effort to be good or trying to be good itself is hard. It requires a lot of little changes, little arguments or fights with your self, little adjustments, little sacrifices, that will make sense I know, for the longer term. By the every day battles can be hard. Not impossible, but just to reiterate... that it takes effort. It's not the easy way that's for sure. But the good news is that, when you are trying to be good and trying to apply 'good words' to your life, everything around you helps you do it. I believe so at least. Here's today verse which is Luke 6:30-38 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.  Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packe...

February 25, Day 12: Mark 9: 2- 10 I realize there is so much I don't know about religion and faith, that I'm living in darkness with regard to most aspects of it. Felt this way after reading today's verse which is about the Transfiguration. A word I have heard being mentioned before, but I'd always skim over it without getting what it really means. I think it's one of those mysteries of Christianity which most people hear about it at 'mind' level but have trouble understanding in their hearts. It took me multiple readings and interpretations. I also heard it read at mass in Church today, and even a couple of days after, I still struggled to put down coherent thoughts. It has a mystical quality to it, and is one of those things in the New Testament, which has not direct takeaway or lesson, the way a parable has, or the way some of the words Jesus says has. I'm in the choir and one of the songs we (appropriately) sang today was called 'Transf...

24 February, Day 11: Mathew 5: 43-48 Over the past several days, what strikes me when reading the Bible is that how it is in stark contrast with the rules and ways of the world, or what it means to be happy and successful in the world. You'd want to argue, but isn't that the purpose of God? To live a happy and successful life here on earth? Apparently not! We have been created for eternity it seems. Our bodies die but our souls do not. That is a premise whether you believe it or not. There are many people who do just fine in the world, you could say, from the outside. Take social media and how people use it to post highlights fo their lives - personal achievements, pride in their family, their exciting adventures, travel and holidays, achievements at work or play and general stills of ... 'Here's my kickass life, I am totally winning!'.  However, they don't similarly share their messes and daily troubles do they? And we end up percieving their lives to be...

23 February, Day 10 : Mathew 5: 20-26 The morning sessions are going well, despite me waking up at different times in the morning (I blame toddler for some of this).  However, I must start waking at the same time everyday even if a little later than planned. A week into Lent, I decided to give up my much-loved morning cup of coffee. And coffee throughout the day too. I had started to depend on it especially since I started to wake up earlier ("I'll be awake soon, I just need some coffee!").  Now I dream like an addict of the smell of the coffee and that first sip which spreads warmth and awareness through me.  Are you allowed to talk about the said sacrificed thing in such a manner once you've given it up? I've weirdly coming to crave it less, although I think about it every morning! Back to the reading of the day, which is from Mathew 5: 20-26 . Here's the bit that stands out for me: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there ...

21 February, Day 9 : St. Matthew 16: 13-19 I think this whole exercise was born from a need to live my life differently but not having the tools or direction to really do a thing.  As a CWWC, I've always doubted the need for religion (not God, I believe in God). Religion, I felt made things extremely complicated - too many rules, too many divides, too many orders, too much fighting and misunderstanding. Too many false Gods. I still wish there was only one religion, and that we all belonged to it. One of those things that deeply bother me, but leave me helpless, is the stuff that goes on in the name of religion which has nothing to do with God.  I hate that belonging to different religions also promote a lack of understanding each other. In fact, this almost keeps me from embracing one religion. I don't want to  grow into one of those people who think I or the path I choose is the BEST one for all. I don't want to belong to a religion that teaches this. ...

February 21, Day 8: St Luke 11: 29-32 I'll admit I got a bit lazy to write my thoughts down, and other things took priority as I had a writing deadline looming as well. Could have managed my time a little bit better to fit this in, but hoping to catch up real soon. But I find that it almost works better if I wait a day or two before I write. Reading the Bible is pretty intense... they don't seem like words on paper anymore. Because there have been things that have been popping out in the middle of the day when I've been going out my daily things which have surprised me! Little realizations about what I've read. Or ideas that click and fit together when they didn't make sense before. It's changing my behaviour too. For instance: There was an incident when a person said something hurtful (unknowingly) and my first reaction was to say something sarcastic or hurtful in return  - jibe for jibe sort of a thing. But I held back and thought: If this is my re...

February 20, Day 7: Mathew 6:7-15  I only realized when I was doodling 'day 7' in my notebook when P happened to glance at it and pointed out that it's been 7 days that I've been doing this! think this is the first time I've ever stuck to anything remotely religious at a stretch, for this long. Voluntarily, that is. It feels good to realize that I can persist on specific things if I want to. I was given a stunning playlist of music: The Porter's Gate Worship Project . Haven't been moved by music in ages, but this is just lovely - both music, lyrics and feeling. Before I read the verse today, I just sat with this for a bit. In fact, later on, my toddler lay completely still in my arms, and we shared long, cuddly moments just listening to these. Such a great start to the day! On to the Bible verse Today's verse is from Mathew 6: 7-15 ,   And when you pray, do not keep on babbling  like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their...

February 19, Day 6 : Mathew 25: 31-46 As explained earlier , the weekend was useless and a bit of a blur which upset my routine and it was no surprise that I overslept on Monday morning! It's pretty difficult to not be affected by on-going things and still make time for this Bible reading. I am glad I persisted today. Today's reading is from Mathew 25:31-46 , here are the bits that stood out: Then the King will tell those on his right hand, ‘Come, blessed of my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry, and you gave me food to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me drink. I was a stranger, and you took me in. I was naked, and you clothed me. I was sick, and you visited me. I was in prison, and you came to me.’ ---------------------- Thoughts:   Today's reading gave me space to take the focus away from 'me' and make me consider what I was doing for other people. Which left me feeling deflated as I was not ...

February 18, Day 5: Mark 1: 12-15 I was reluctant to write today as I just don't want to face the resident feeling of inner yuck-iness. I feel like I've undone whatever good or learning that came from the last 4 days which makes me feel quite useless overall.  In short, the whole weekend was bit of a party as we had friends over. I sealed my fate (dramatic, much?) by staying up with everyone (most of who were pretty drunk) until 4 am. And of course, toddler woke me up just a few hours later (and by now I was really regretting it as I had managed to ignore the inner warning bells! :/) Result: I woke up achy-bodied, sleepless and snappy (coz' of the first two) and this smog of uselessness followed  me around like a raincloud for the rest of the day. Let's move on to the verse of the day from Mark 1:12-15 "The Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the Gospel." Thoughts: No major analysis required here. It is what is. Speaks directly to my...

17 February - Day 4: St Luke 5: 27-32 Slept at 4 am despite going to bed at 1 am. The noise kept me up. We had a bunch of friends visiting this weekend and in spite of my best efforts to carry on the morning routine, today it was stalled. To be honest, I had given myself some leeway to be flexible with this exercise, because I knew that on some days it was not going to be realistically possible to wake at 6 am. It was such a distracting day! I was sleep deprived and not my usual self due to a lack of sleep. Toddler had a heavy, sickly cough that didn't sound good at all. I was too preoccupied by happenings, the plan for the day, cooking and other things which made me want to not concentrate or take time out to read the Bible. But, I did make myself do it for 10 minutes once he fell asleep. I have come to look forward and even rely on this exercise for a sliver of meaning to my day. Today's Gospel is from St. Luke 5:27-32 : Jesus answered the Pharisees: "It is not ...

16 February - Day 3 Mathew 9:14-15 Today I didn't end up waking at 6 am. Woke up at 5:30 am instead and had to cuddle feverish toddler back to sleep, which took an hour after which I fell asleep! Woke up at half past 7 but I didn't reprimand myself and brand myself a failure for having woken up late! (Besides, toddler was still asleep so I figured I had some time, however short). Today's verse was from Mathew 9:14-15 . It's a short one and here's what it said in full: Then John the Baptist's disciples came and asked him, “How is it that we and the Pharisees fast often,  but your disciples do not fast?” Jesus answered,  “How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them?  The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast. ------------ Thoughts: I couldn't understand this reading at all at first, so I read it several times... almost like I was trying to learn something by heart. I decided to igno...

15 February - Day 2: Luke 9: 22-25 So today, I didn't struggle to wake up or anything, but I did feel quite distracted in the morning and all over the place and numb! I felt like a fraud and forced to be "good" Floated downstairs like a ghost, and then a bit later, I started my session which my my  morning music  (shared by a close friend - Gospel music is not something I usually gravitate towards). As usual, the music helped me gather myself to listen, but I had to struggle to remind myself why I was doing this.  I was groggy, displeased with my weak morning coffee, and was very aware of hunger-induced tummy rumblings. (The last of which, I always give huge importance to!) Feeling  more like a CWWC than ever, I picked up the Bible and forced myself to read the words from Luke 9: 22-2 5, and this line jumped out: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me". --------------- Thoughts: Again, I...

First, let me explain what this little project about.  It's pretty basic.  Just me, a CWWC, writing a daily log of observations or reactions or takeaways from the Bible verse of the day.  Over 40 days. Coz' it seems a sweet amount of time. Pretty long and weighty, without being forever. Coz' its Lent. It's time I started to bother about it. #adulting An attempt at purposeful living. Probably way better than spending my time on all fours, trying to sweep up the remains of leftover  crumbly bits from two weeks ago. Or googling Indian recipes for Kale and/or wondering why eating leaves was even introduced as a thing. Or watching some idiot travelling the the world and eating exotic foods and wishing hard that it was me. So here goes. 14 February - Day 1: Mathew 6:1-6, 16-18 I figured the only time I can get the mindspace and uninterrupted time to read the Bible would be first thing in the morning I set the alarm for 5:30 am, hoping that that w...